Showing posts with label the norm for me a chuckle for you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the norm for me a chuckle for you. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Throwback Thursday

Today at school, the Backstreet Boys made an appearance. 
I don't know the last time you watched six classes of 40 Japanese students sing along with Howie, Kevin, Brian, Nick and A.J., but let me tell you, it was pretty adorable. 


I want it that way, 
Kate

P.S. This original music video is pretty winning too...


Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Norm For Me A Chuckle For You

Today, my 13 year old 1st years had to write out a self-introduction that they were then going to come read to me.
I was walking around the room helping the kids fill in the three blanks that sat staring back at them. 

Hello! 
I am                      .
I am from                           .
I am good at                             .


I was helping one little girl change her bolleyball to volleyball, when I heard one of my favorite boys practicing his pronunciation. 

"IIIIIII am good at bas-KET-ball. BAS-ket-ball. bas-ket-BALL."

I looked over at him and all his friends that had taken to helping him, they looked back at me and we all smiled. I said it correctly a few times from across the room and they repeated. Focusing intently on each syllable, trying to stress the correct one. 
They weren't getting it. 

I walked in their direction, saying it about four more times before arriving next to his desk.
I looked down at his paper and stopped. 
He repeated the word again, stressing all the syllables so at this point he was just yelling the word while his friends looked on in laughter. 
"BASKETBALLLLLLLL."
I smiled and he followed my finger as I pointed to the word on the page. 

"This says, baseball." 

Basketball, Baseball, Volleyball, 
Kate



[The Latest]

Must Read: More women than ever are bread winners, which apparently is a bad thing??...FOX News. I paraphrased big time, but have we all seen this!? 
Google Search: Pomegranate in Japanese.
Tune: Clarity By Zedd. 
Accomplishment: Some great communication with my cleaning crew. 
Obsessions: Thai fried rice.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Norm For Me A Chuckle For You 10

I have been in Japan almost three years now (whoa) and can function pretty effortlessly throughout the day. My Japanese is minimal but definitely functional. I can make friends, I can ask where the bathroom is, I can give my self-introduction at the drop of a hat and most importantly I can order a beer. 

But God help me if I try to order from Starbucks or McDonald's. 

You see, before I go any further, you need to know that the Japanese language has a few different alphabets, three to be exact. 
Hiragana is what you might think of as the traditional Japanese alphabet. You sound out the characters, it makes a word, and you translate the word in your little head. ね - こ, ne-ko, neko means cat. Boom. You just read a Japanese word. 
One alphabet down.

Then there is Katakana. 
My arch nemesis.
Katakana is another alphabet with characters different from hiragana, though corresponding sounds. This alphabet is reserved for foreign words (ie: my name is always written in katakana) and makes teaching English in Japan 1000 times more difficult than it should be. Basically, there are a ton of English words floating around in Japan, but what the people have done is taken them and made them fit the sounds that are available in their alphabet. 
Which means...
set becomes setto
and becomes ando
coffee becomes co-hi
orange becomes orengji
soccer becomes sakka
table becomes teiburu
present becomes puresento
hamburger becomes hambaagaa
starbucks becomes sta-bakkusu
mcdonalds becomes makudonarudo 
The kicker is, that if you say these common katakanized English words in English, no one knows what you're talking about. So, if you're at McDonald's and you want to order a McFlurry, you can't just say...McFlurry. I know. I tried. What I needed to say was, makkufuru-ri, but when I couldn't figure that out, I simply leaned across the counter, pointed to the machine and said, in Japanese, "That one, please. With oreos."

Last Monday, we had our weekly ALT meeting at city hall and I was given the date I need to be out of my apartment. I knew it was coming, but I still left the meeting kind of bummed. 
I decided a cinnamon roll would remedy my problems. Obviously. 
I walked into the only Starbucks in my city and was greeted with a very genuine smile and konichiwa from my favorite Starbucks lady. I ordered my vanilla latte flawlessly after years of practice, substituting the v in vanilla with a b to make everything go smoothly. But my need for a cinnamon roll caused a touch of a hang-up. I didn't have the energy to try to katakana-ize the word cinnamon roll, the sign was written in English so I simply just read it. 
The lady looked at me and smirked. I laughed and asked in Japanese if she understood since it was clear I wasn't really doing my part to transform the word in to Japanese. She starting laughing and shook her head. I apologized saying, "I don't know katakana," and we walked over to the pastry case so I could switch into the universal language of gestures. She couldn't see what I was pointing at so she came around to stand next to me. Though I was all smiles, she could tell I wasn't my usual upbeat self and in the midst of the cinnamon/shinamon roll debacle, she gave me a hug while the lone cinnamon roll and entire Starbucks staff looked on. 
Then we practiced. 
I said shinamon and all three of them said cinnamon in unison twice.

A few hours later when I was on my way out, another employee held the door open for me, I smiled and said, "Thank you!" 
She bowed, whispered, "cinnamon," and giggled. 

One banilla co-he and shinamon ro-ru seto please, 
Keito


[The Latest]

Must Read: Beckham Retires...NY Times
Google Search: Amazon Japan.
Tune: Chocolate By The 1975. 
Accomplishment: A well done lesson in front of visiting parents. 
Obsessions: Chocolate pie cookies.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Norm For Me A Chuckle For You 9

Finished my taxes yesterday and feeling like a real adult now. US citizens living abroad get an automatic two month extension, no one worry, they'll be on time. Not only will they be on time, but will arrive in style with one of the few envelopes I had on hand. 


I just really want America to get that I'm living outside the country. 
Mission accomplished. 

Consider the IRS kawaii-ed, 
Kate


[The Latest]

Google Search: Columbiana Movie.
Tune: Walk the Moon By Anna Sun. 
Accomplishment: Getting to leave early today! 
Obsessions: Mozzarella cheese. I mean...

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Norm For Me A Chuckle for You 8

My friend, and fellow blogger, Jessica D, recently wrote an article for GaijinPot, a popular site among foreigners living in Japan. She sent it my way the other day, and boy oh boy did she hit the nail on the head when it comes to teaching in this lovely country. I copied and pasted the article to make things easier, but if you'd like, you can view the actual article here. Enjoy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awkward At Best
Jessica Damerst

Whether it was a chorus of kawaii’s (cute) or “eyes blue,” they always had a new observation. Some would even touch my curly hair or (in one case) go as far as to touch my nose. If you’ve never had the delight of working with Japanese children, you’re missing out.
You see, as Japan is one of the most homogeneous populations on the planet, it’s no wonder I catch people staring at me daily with that deer-in-headlights look. Is it the freckles? The blue eyes? The curly hair? I can’t tell. Lucky for me, Japanese kids don’t have the same reservations as Japanese adults, and are willing to point out these differences.
“Jeshika! Nose…. tall!”
“Jeshika! (Touching my hair) fluffy!”
“Jeshika! Tall!”
“Jeshika! Sexy!” …. sigh
The constant barrage of comments is humorous on most days. No matter how many times they’ve seen me, there is always something new to notice. If you’re a big (5’3″), scary foreigner like me, you may have heard the “tall nose” comment before. They find this a good quality. Of course, my first reaction was to cry in a corner with my Greek ancestors about our chiseled noses.
Another fun part of my relationship with the students is their constant belief that I don’t, couldn’t possibly understand Japanese. Funnily enough, I can understand most of what they are saying, especially when they are discussing how to ask in English “do you like comics.” Just for my own enjoyment, I’ll spend an entire lunch with them in silence only to translate the words they are debating about randomly.
“What’s ‘natsu’ again in English?”
“Summer.”
This is always the point where they exchange shocked, she-understands-everything-we’ve-been-saying looks. Yes, I now know that you like Megumi in class 3 and think the pop group AKB48 is hotter than KARA.
More baffling, is the fact that no matter how many conversations we hold in the hallway in Japanese, they don’t believe I can speak it. To be fair, this constantly elicits compliments when I say simple phrases like arigatou to them.
“Oh! Jeshika-sensei, your Japanese is so good!”
“Uh… yea, thanks.”
Then there are the student-sensei’s who like to point at various objects around the room and tell me what it is in Japanese.
“Isu (chair)”
“….isu”
(Clapping and kawaii’s)
But undoubtedly, the strangest part of it all, is the odd questions. Every ALT gets these. I’ve heard some real good ones. I usually get asked to translate a whole slew of dirty words, which I reply to with “I don’t speak Japanese.” It’s always really entertaining when they manage to learn a really dirty phrase and teach it to the others who then whisper it when I hand them papers. And by entertaining I mean horribly annoying. For the good kids, it’s a constant barrage of “Do you live alone? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you married? Do you have kids?”
Thank you, for always reminding me that I’m alone.
Although, when it’s all said and done, despite constantly feeling like a bug in an observation tank, I wouldn’t change it. It’s awkward at best and they can’t seem to remember which country I am from, but you know what? That’s what makes my job so fun and varied. I can never ever guess what they are going to come up with next. You don’t know strange English until you’ve taught middle school students.

Daily dose of awkward,
Kate

                                                                        [The Latest]

Must Read: The 30 Happiest Faces of All Times...Buzzfeed. A Friday must click.
Google Search: Hostelworld.
Tune: Gimme Shelter By The Rolling Stones.
Accomplishment: Finding a hostel in HK.
Obsessions: Pine nuts.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Norm For Me, A Chuckle For You 7

These little stories that fall under The Norm For Me, A Chuckle For You are some of my favorite to write. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that something that doesn't even phase me as being weird, makes for a great story to anyone not living in Japan. This time around, I don't have a story, but rather a few little random things that have happened to me over the course of the past few days that I don't want to forget. 

During class while the kids were writing in their conversation journals:
A girl raised her hand, so I went over to her. She kept saying a word in Japanese that I didn't know, wanting the English translation. I made a confused face and smiled, she laughed and rethought her question. Finally she let out, ipaisakana?! and a chuckle. A lot of fish? I told her to go get a dictionary and I looked up the word aquarium and asked her if that was what she was trying to say. She lit up. Mission accomplished, high-fives everywhere. 

She wanted me to know that her sister is going to the aquarium in Okinawa on a school trip. 
Fun stuff!

On the train:
I had my ipod in, staring out the window. An older man got on, looked at me for a second too long and I saw it. I saw the wheels turning, he wanted to try out his English, I could sense it. Usually I am pretty go with the flow with this kind of stuff, but this day I really wasn't in the mood. I politely continued to stare out the window. He took off his watch, and positioned himself in my line of sight, before yelling so all the train could hear, 
"Excuse me, do you know the time?!"
I took out one of my ear buds and said, as politely as possible, 
"I am sorry I don't. I don't have a watch." 
Which was true, and my cell phone was in my bag, and there were a million other people around and, oh by the way, a clock on the platform he just came from. I just really didn't have the energy. But then he got creative. 
"Ahhh ok. Hmmm. What time do you think it is?"
I gave him somewhat of a blank stare. 
You want me to guess the time? That is how desperate we are?
"I'm sorry, I really don't know, maybe 5:30? Maybe just check at the next station."
"Good idea!!!"
One more stop and he was off, and I was back to staring out the window listening to Macklemore.

In a cafe:
I was reading, and sipping ginger-apple tea YUM while waiting for a friend to get to the station so we could go to dinner when a couple decided to sit behind me and start speaking...English. I was surprised, annoyed and curious all at once. I can't tell you what happened in the last few chapters of my book, but I can tell you that the man was prepping this lady for an interview and this lovely little woman knows how to do equity loans, but is nervous about potential conference calls in English to London or Zurich, she studied English in Canada, but hates Toronto, step one of her five step interview is tomorrow with someone in HR...

Grading papers:
My third years were asked to write about a famous place in Chiba. The vast majority talked about Disneyland, not surprising as it is extremely popular here and there is Disney merchandise all over the place. What was surprising, however, was their inability to spell the ever-famous home of Mickey and Minnie.

Here is what some of them came up with...
Disney Land
Disny Land
Desney
Dizniy Land
Dizniy Lund
Diesney land
diseland
Disny
disney rand

Getting on my bike to head home after school:
A few of my favorite boys walk by, all trouble makers but decent English students because they aren't too shy.
We have a great relationship.
They turned to face me then jumped back, acting surprised to see me, 
"Oh! Hellllooooooooooo Keito. Helloooo! Helloooo! Today is Monday!"
I laughed, "I know! Hello, boys!"
We passed each other and I got on my bike. I yelled a "Good-bye!" in their direction. 
Which promptly stared a chorus of good-byes and sayonaras. 
And one, not-so-quiet, "I love you."
I yelled back, 
"Oh! THANK YOU!!!!"
They doubled over in laughter. 
See ya tomorrow kiddos. 

All in a day... or a few, 
Kate


                                                                        [The Latest]

Must Read: Teachers Are Workers Not Martyrs... The Japan Times.
Google Search: Askance.
Tune: We Come Running By Youngblood Hawke. 
Accomplishment: A few rather productive days at work.
Obsessions: Homemade tortilla soup. Again.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Norm For Me, A Chuckle For You 6

Way back when, I quit school lunch. I quit for a few reasons, but mostly because it had, 
in so many words...gotten gross. 
Sadly, things haven't changed much. Though I don't eat it anymore, I do still see the lunch in its "entire fish, gallon of rice, warm-milk" glory. School lunch goes on, I steer clear and live happily with my little meals from home. 

Today, I was walking back from heating up my lemon/soy-sauce chicken, when the lovely little cleaning lady popped out. She is kind, but..odd. Let's just say that taking social cues is not her strong suit. On my walk back to the teacher's room, I greeted her with a smile and a konichiwa. She immediately starting firing questions at me.

Here is how our conversation went...

"Keito, do you want some soup? We have extra."
"Oh, no thank you. I'm ok!"
"Soup, want some?"
"I'm ok, really." 
Why are we still having this conversation?
"Come come." 
Damn it.


Handing me a bowl, "Looks good huh?!" 
I peered in. It was the veggie cream soup. My least favorite. 
The one with surprise veggies in it. 
The one with unidentifiable pieces of meat in it. 
The one that creates a film across the top if you wait to long to eat it. 
No. It does not look good.

"The Principal didn't want any so we have extra, yay!" 
Smart man.

Though I told her after scoop two and three, that that was plenty of soup, she managed to fit four massive laddles full in my bowl.

In Japanese fashion, I thanked her profusely while I silently debated what I was going to do with my bowl of cream. I walked back to my desk to eat my left over pasta and concoct a plan.

I had one. 

When the Principal and Vice Principal went into the office to eat, I listened for noise out in the hall. When I could hear it was quiet I made my move. I peeked out into the hall and looked left and right, I brought the untouched bowl back to its place of origin. Ever so quietly lifted the two metal lids off the soup pot and shook the soup from my bowl back into the vat of soup. I gently set my unused spoon back with the rest of the spoons. Gingerly shut the door and ran back to the teacher's room. Resumed my seat at my desk and exhaled. 


Ten minutes later, she was back.

"Keitooooo! Are you finished?"
"Yes, yes! I put my bowl back already."
"How was it?!"
"Delicious!!! Thank you!"


Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire,
Kate


[The Latest]

Must Read: San Francisco Votes to Ban Public Nudity...The Guardian. 
Google Search: Kagoshima.
Tune: Everything Has Changed By Taylor Swift
Accomplishment: Finishing another part of TEFL.
Obsessions: Guacamole from MUCHO Mexican restaurant in Tokyo.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Norm For Me, A Chuckle For You 5

One slow Saturday, Debs and I headed to the Chiba New Town shopping center to check it out. The day consisted of looking for shoes for Debs, which didn't happen because most stores in Japan don't have any sizes past a US 9. We spent the rest of the time eating, eating, and eating some more (lunch, ice cream, coffee), we hung out in LUSH, made our way to a home furnishing store where we mentally designed our future living rooms, and then our time at Chiba New Town ended with a trip to the bookstore. 

Somehow we ended up in the children's section and decided we should see if we could read one of the books. I opted for one I knew, everyone's favorite, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Debs settled on some ghost book, one of those ones made out of thick cardboard, the kind that welcomes kids to drool all over it.
We thought it would be a no brainier.
Wrong. 
We instantly took out our phones to start translating words.

The contrast of our giant frames jammed into the kiddy chairs, with a drool proof book, and google translate out, was almost too much. We started giggling. A lot.

When the ghost book proved too tough for the both of us, Debs got up, I continued to read about what the caterpillar ate on Monday. Debs walked back over and silently stood in front of me, with a smile that said she was up to no good.
"What?"
She smiled again.
"My book just blew your book out of the water!"
She had found The Very Hungry Caterpillar...the pop-up book.
Lucky.


And if you must see, here is a video...

"And then he had a stomach ache,"
Kate



[The Latest]

Google Search: Gangnam Style.  
Tune: Hands By Jewel.
Accomplishment: A clean apartment.
Obsessions: New Essie nail polish.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Norm for Me A Chuckle For You 5

I watched Lost in Translation last night for the first time. The movie came out in 2003 and is filmed completely in Japan. Given that I am an American living in Japan, you'd think I would have seen it, but somehow I totally missed the boat on this one. 

If you haven't seen it, the movie is excellent. In my opinion, it creates a rather accurate portrayal of what foreigners in Japan, who don't speak Japanese, go through. The lovely Japanese people will smile at you and speak to you in Japanese, all while you continue to stare blankly. 

This particular scene, for multiple reasons, had my friend and I in hysterics last night. We re-watched the clip no less than 5 times. We have been there, and at times still are, the foreigner with the blank stare trying to create a `conversation` out of what you think the other person is saying. We have also been the two women in the background, laughing hysterically at the non-conversation that is happening in front of us. And lastly, we were laughing last night at the fact that we could understand both languages and cultures during this clearly parallel conversation. This clip absolutely made my night.

 If you want a taste of what it's like to live in Japan, watch these 2 minutes, they'll place you right in the heart of Tokyo. I've translated what the man says at the bottom of the post, but watch it without reading first. Then watch it again once you know. 
I promise you'll chuckle.

Set Up: 
Bob (Bill Murray) is in a hospital waiting room, waiting for his friend Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson). 



A Chuckle From Both Sides, 
Kate











[The Latest]

Here is the general gist of the conversation.

After Bob nudges him, the Japanese man first asks Bob...

Japanese Man: Finished? are you finished? you're finished aren't you?
Bob: 8. My friend is in 8. Are you going in here? Sick? Feeling down? Not good?

Japanese Man: You came to Japan, right? How many years?
Bob: My name? My name.
Japanese Man: Japan...
Bob: Bob. My name is Bob.
Japanese Man: How is everything? (in Japan) How long have you been in Japan? How. long. have. you. been. in. Japan? (as he counts with his fingers)
Maybeeee you don't understand...
Bob: You're messing with me.
        Were you asking me my name? My name is Bob. What is your name?
Japanese Man: How. long. have. you. been. in. Japan?





Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Norm For Me, A Chuckle For You, 4: Hiroshima Edition

One of the major things Jeff and I were looking forward to seeing in Hiroshima, was the Itsukushima Shrine off the coast of Itsukushima/Miyajima Island. The island itself is a 10 minute boat ride away from the mainland and the city of Hiroshima. The Itsukushima shrine is considered an UNESCO World Heritage site, the Japanese government has declared it a National Treasure, and it has been listed as one of Hayahi Gaho Three View of Japan. Anyone I know who has been says it's a must see. At high tide the shrine looks as though its floating, and during low tide you are able to get up close and personal with it. Anyone that knew I was going to Hiroshima, told me I must absolutely see it, and when I said that it was on our list of things to do they all exhaled with a sigh of relief. 
To sum up, it's a big deal. 

Itsukushima Shrine at high tide.
Itsukushima Shrine at low tide.
When we got off the local train in Hiroshima we walked over to look at a map. As Jeff was pointing out where we were (as I have the ability to get lost in a tunnel) I noticed a sign explaining that the Itsukushima Shrine was under renovation due to a massive storm that whipped through Japan on April 2 and 3. Though it was under renovation, the shrine was still open to the public. I was relieved. Jeff sorted us out on the map, we bought boat tickets to use the next day and were off to find our hostel. 

Tuesday morning we woke up and threw on some hiking clothes. After visiting the shrine we planned to hike around the island. The man working at the hostel, who at this point was our new BFF, gave us a kite to fly once we got to the top of the mountain. We were stoked. We grabbed our tickets and were off.

We headed to the top deck of the boat and leaned over the side bound for the island. We stared for a solid few minutes waiting for the shrine to come into view.

“I don't see it,”Jeff said straining to look in the distance.

“Me neither,” I replied.

“It's big and red, how can we miss it?”

I cut him off mid sentence, when I realized we were looking straight at it. The meaning behind the sign I had read the day earlier kicked in and I realized that the massive thing with scaffolding around it, blending in to the mountain, was it.

“Ohmygod...No way.”

“What?!” said Jeff

“That is it! See the little bit of red at the top, and the grey below. I read a sign at the station yesterday saying it was under construction, but still open so I thought nothing of it. Dude that is it! The big fat famous shrine...with a freakin sweater on.”

“You have got to be kidding! What the hell!”

Just as Jeff said that, the elderly couple to my right, in true Japanese form let out a, 
“kirei! sugoy!”

I couldn't help but turn to look at them, checking to see that we were looking at the same thing, then glanced back toward the shrine to check that the scaffolding was still there.
It was.
Beautiful was not the word I going to use to describe it.

View from the boat.
Since we went with the intention of taking lots of pictures of this beautiful, massive, historical, gorgeous, floating landmark, that is what we did and I am going to damn well share them with you.






One of my favorite shots of the trip.
It has `You`ve gotta be freakin me` written all over it.
1/2 Shrine Viewed,
Kate

Oh, and there was no wind to fly our kite. Though carrying it up and down the mountain in its packaging was equally as entertaining. Not.

P.S. Read the other The Norm for Me A Chuckle for You posts, here.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Norm for Me, A Chuckle for You, 3

Last week, I was in search of a new planner. So, after drinking down a Starbucks, my friend Debs and I made our way toTokyu Hands. A store, like many in Japan, that has everything. Suitcases, exercise equipment, make-up, cell phone covers, lotion, cooking supplies, you name they have it. After browsing the, always entertaining, make-up counter, looking at tools to roll out wrinkles, or stickers to give ourselves a more visible eyelid, we headed to where we needed to go. The stationary section takes up a large portion of the top floor, and after walking past approximately 54895793 pens in 7498 colors, we found paper products.

Tokyu Hands Pen Collection.
Just as I picked up a planner to flip through, I heard Debs laugh from the next aisle. She had stumbled up these winning post cards. And after the post cards, the stationary entertainment didn't stop there.

Boo.
It's always a good day when a kitten is randomly placed in front of a sakura tree.

Whoever gets married next will no doubt get this awesome Disney, hologram, wedding card. 
Not adjectives you usually see together. 

Happy Wedding, from hologram-ed Minnie herself.
“The Perfect Tiered” 
Whatever the hell that means...

Without question, my favorite find of the day. 
Bible Sized monthly refill paper. 

In Japanese it says, diary refill, which if anything, just confuses me more.


Chuckled,
Kate

P.S. Read the first The Norm for Me, A Chuckle for You here and the second here.


[The Latest]

Must Read: 6 Life-Changing Uses For Binder Clips...from Funny or Die. 
Google Search: Kamagaya Dominos.
Tune: Cupid Shuffle By Cupid. 
Accomplishment: Finishing Book 5 of my JET Program Japanese Books.
Obsessions: My new planner.



Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Norm for Me, A Chuckle for You, 2

As soon as you come to Japan and speak English to any native Japanese speaker, you'll learn real fast that there are a few letters from the English alphabet that cause problems for native Japanese speakers. Fluency and intelligence have nothing to do with it, there's just something about these sounds that cause trouble for many Japanese speaking English.

Differentiating between B and V is quite the challenge, resulting in such interesting new words as...
bocabulary
feber
neber
balintines day
trabel
ober
 convenience stores nation wide called combinis

Differentiating between L and R is even more difficult. Resulting in many words that, for all intents and purposes, become interchangeable. For example...

glass/grass
bling/bring
led/red
play/pray
fly/fry
light/right
lice/rice
clap/crap


The kids are often eating lice for breakfast, praying soccer, studying engrish and crapping their hands.

Exhibit A: My Grocery Store
In case you bought any deep flied food
that doesn't have a bar code.


I hardly even notice these minor errors anymore. Most of the time, from context, I can figure out what the person is trying to say, I just roll with it and move on.

Except for last Friday.

I was at a rather posh dinner, which only adds to the humor, and was talking to a lovely Japanese man, fluent in English. His pronunciation was amazing, and his English was so good that I realized I could multitask while we chatted. I continued to add lasagna to my plate as he told me about this group he was in. I listened politely, nodding along. Then he started to tell me about the erection the group was having. I spun around and had to consciously de-furrow my brow so as not to insult him as he was still chatting away.

“Yes, next year were planning to hold an erection. As the erection comes up (I almost dropped my plate) we are planning on holding a dinner to try to talk to people about voting. Ya, I can't wait till the erection of a new president of our group! ” 

Sounds like a fun group. I wonder if that erection will be public or private...

With Rove,
Kate

P.S. Read the first, The Norm for Me, A Chuckle for You, here.

[The Latest]

Google Search: Amazon Japan, puzzles
Tune: Better Together By Jack Johnson.
Accomplishment: Attempting a new recipe.
Obsessions: Goldfish crackers, thanks to the foreign good store.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Norm for Me, A Chuckle for You

I was talking to a friend the other day telling them about my day and they started laughing. I have been here so long that I’ve forgotten that what may seem completely normal to me at this stage in the game, is still very foreign for most. Here are few stories that sum up my day to day life.

Jogging.

I am a girl who jogs. This is big news here in Japan. I figured this one out when I did my self-introduction for the first time.

Hello, my name is Kate.

I am 23 years old.

I am from California in America.

My hobbies are jogging and playing soccer. 
Not a total lie, but it should be noted that the fact that I could pronounce those words had a great deal to do with while they were chosen to describe me.

Then it was usually time for questions from the audience. The first question was almost always, what do I want to see or do while in Japan. Valid question. I always answered with, I want to hike Fuji. Valid answer.

A stifled gasp followed by a slight head tilt would inevitably spread throughout the audience.

It took a while to figure out why I was getting such a reaction of shock from my little brunetted audience. So I took my question to where I take all my Japan related questions. Ian.
“Big Bro, why do these people look perplexed when I say that I like soccer and running?”

He explained that he thinks it’s rare for girls to say they like sports, and then to say that I enjoy two, AND want to hike Fuji, was basically too much activity for them to handle. I envisioned them pondering whether or not they could somehow sneak me on to the Japanese Olympic team.

I kept that thought in the back of my mind as I gave my self-introduction over and over again. I watched for reactions, it was a mix of shock and awe. I deduced that Ian’s theory was correct. To add to the confusion, during these self intros I would usually be dressed in a suit with pearl earnings and make up. I could see a few of them trying to picture what I would look like in shorts and ponytail, accented with a few beads of sweat. By look on their faces, they just couldn't conjure up such an image.

As time passed, it became accepted at Gochuu that I was in fact, athletic. So much so, that the sentence Kate likes soccer, appears on average, in about one English lesson a month. As the students and faculty at Gochuu made their peace with the fact that I enjoy outdoor activities, the uniqueness factor began to die down. What I failed to realize was that the rest of Kamagaya had yet to join them.

I have taken to jogging up and down one the main roads here in my little hometown of Kamagaya. I usually jog at night, though the road is familiar, the one I take to go to the grocery store in fact, it’s well lit and there are usually other pedestrians. It’s completely safe. Hear that mom and dad…COMPLETELY. SAFE. Occasionally as I jog I’ll see other joggers, usually men, who almost do a double take as I run by, but I just smile and they simile back. End of story.

Except one time.

I had recently added Bon Jovi’s greatest hits to my ipod which by default lead me to run a little too fast around the Pachinko casino. I was stopping at the corner to stretch and catch my breath. I was stretching under a light…hear that mom and dad, UNDER. A. LIGHT., when I saw an older couple walking toward me. I glanced up and saw them, unintentionally making eye contact with the man. He smiled, I smirked back and continued stretching. They continued walking toward me. He a few steps in front of her. As I stretched my hamstring I wondered if he had ill intentions. It’s Kamagaya, so it was a safe bet that wasn’t the case, though if it was, he was doing a hell of a job hiding it behind a smile and a wife. He came closer. Still on the defense from living in San Francisco, I stood and took out one of my head phones. He was only getting one of my ears, Bon Jovi had made previous reservations.

I let out a, Konbanwa.

He replied with the same. We had established it was a good evening, what the hell did he want?

He smiled and I skeptically did the same. The man was 50 plus and had a limp. 
I had a feeling I was going to make it.

Joggingu?! He asked, mixed with the slight gasp and head tilt that had become all too familiar.

Hai. I said as sincere as possible, while trying to hide the, Is this seriously a real conversation? thought that was running though my head. Evidently he needed clarification for what he thought he was seeing.

With the raise of an eye brow, he let out a satisfied, hump, and asked if I was from America.

Hai, Amerikajin desu. California kara kimashita. 
If he was already surprised to see me running, I might as well just push him over the edge with the fact that I was from the movie screen state.

I watched his face as he looked me up and down, checking off the stereo types he knew from both the small and silver screen.
Fit...yup
High pony tail...yup
Blonde...nope
Big boobs...hahaha...um no.

I felt like he was looking at something he’d only seen in movies. And in fact he probably was. Kind of like when you go to the zoo as a kid and you happen to visit the elephants the day one of them is giving birth, and even tour guide Judy is excited. “You all are here on a VERY special day,” she explains, “Brenda has been due for some time now and… OOOOO there she comes! Even I’ve only seen pictures of this! I’m sure you will all be telling you friends and family about this when you get home!” Why yes Judy, yes we will.

So there I was. The equivalent of Brenda the pregnant elephant. Exactly what he had seen in the movies, but never in real life, let alone in his own backyard. He knew we Californian girls at the ripe age of 23 worked out, and he had seen a real live one. I`m sure his friends were going to hear about this. I could only hope that one of them works at Gochuu and could causally add, “Ya, and she plays soccer too.”


Kate “The Novelty” Sensei.


The title is strictly objective. I swear.

Upon arriving here in little Kamagaya, more specifically my middle school, Gochuu, I became the fascination of most of the students, and even some of the teachers. I was tallerish than most, though only 5`4``, I wore clothes that were different from what they had seen, I can run and get dirty yet be girly during the day, I wear nail polish and have pierced ears. I wear three rings on my fingers though I am not married, a concept that is still difficult for them to grasp. Mind you, none of my rings are on my left ring finger. My hair is a lighter color, so much so that I often get asked what color it is. They aren`t quite sure how to classify something that isn`t as dark as theirs or obviously blonde.

When I answer simply with brown or light brown, they looked shocked. By the looks on their faces, brown just doesn`t seem to be a sufficient enough answer for what they were looking for. I think they were expecting some crazy crayola color that is overly descriptive. Instead of brown I should be more thorough next time with, `Naturally brown, but went to Costa Rica last summer where it turned slightly blonde and has yet to grow out completely.` Try that one on for size kiddos.

But as time went by, all my nail polish, rings and unique hair color became quite normal to them. The amount of time I got called cute or kawaiiiiii in a day, was beginning to dwindle from 5,489,574,876 to only 1,000. Bummer. But I thought it was probably about time for my head to deflate anyway. I began to become less of a big deal, allowing me to talk a little more with both the teachers and students, and having them get to know me, Kate, not red nail polish girl from America. All was going smoothly until, day by day, they began to discover something new about me.

The realization: I can type…fast.

`SOOOOOOOOOOOOO fast Keito!! Sugoy!` they would say as I wrote an email or was Gchatting with 6 friends. Clearly working hard. I would smile, and do my best to dismiss it. But they wouldn`t let it go. Everytime I type anything, I get a few glances and they smile and shake their head in awe. Sometimes Keima will stand and applaud me. Just as that factoid was coming to a close I made the poor decision to respond to a text on my iphone (completely acceptable here, as is clipping your toe nails in the teacher`s room but thats another story) and that just about sent them over the edge. They were seriously in awe and now speechless. I had no explanation for this one and was tired of telling them what a big deal it wasn`t, so I just smiled and said, `Arigato.`

The truth: I type no faster than any of you. Promise.



The realization: I can drink…a lot.

It was time for an enkai. Drinking party, remember. We arrived, beers were set in front of us. We clinked glasses and took a sip. I, unlike my coworkers remained sober after that sip. They were instantly buzzed and completely hammered after the beer. After one I was feeling good, though still completely composed. My volume level had not gone up, nor were things as funny as everyone else seemed to think they were, and the biggest shocker of them all...I wasn`t bright red. I was continually asked if I was ok, worried that I wasn`t having fun. When in fact, the exact opposite was true, I was having a grand time! I ordered another beer. By now I was on number 3. More giggly, but still very much in control. Realizing that I was on number 3 and not acting much different than I was after one, word got out that I can drink. Which simply meant that I wasn`t as out of control as they were after having equally as many beverages.

I was immediately drilled with questions. I had no idea how I was supposed to answer them. Why do I not turn bright red  after a sip of alcohol? Well that would be because I`m not Japanese folks. But I couldn`t say that. So I went the other direction. `I`m half Irish,` I offered and shrugged. `HONTOOOO?!!!` three people said in unison. Yes, really I am. Word spread down the pillow seats like wild fire. She`s Irish, She`s Irish, She`s Irish, Hai Keito Sensei Irish. Hai honto! It was a modern day version of telephone. Only the alcohol had allowed the rules to be altered and instead of whispering to the person next to you, the game became to make sure the person two down from you knows. Hai, Irish, that`s why she can drink! I heard again. Another beer was placed in front of me. And some sake. They were doing their best to meet my Irish needs. Maybe this little realization isn`t so bad.  My Irish needs were leading to free drinks.


Did I mention, I`m German?

The truth: I am half Irish, German and Slovenian for that matter. Though I am not any stronger of a drinker than any of you reading this…except you Japanese people. You I have beat.



The realization: I have green eyes.

Since I have been here, I have discussed with students the visible differences in our appearance. As I stand in front of them every day, they have had plenty of time to take this all in. Yes, I have light brown hair, Yes, I have lighter and rounder eyes, Yes, my clothes are different, No, I am not a fashion model, Thank You for saying I`m cute.
Recently, a few girls learned the word beautiful, and upped the ante. 

As the months wore on in to winter, the compliments on my physical features dwindled, but those in the clothing arena were just gearing up. The girls clearly have my wardrobe down, and anytime I wear anything new, usually sent from home (THANKS MOM!) I receive complements all day. This also comes in the form of a great inhale and ooooos and ahhhs when I walk into the classroom in the morning. It`s great.

The other day I was helping a little girl the best I could with her 1 minute speech. She had written it in Japanese and we were trying to translate her simple sentences into English. It was going to be awhile so I pulled up a chair next to her. She had chosen the topic option of Respectable Person. On the worksheet, Keima had made, were pictures of Ghandi, Einstein and even Obama as examples. She chose Miley Cyrus.

I was trying to figure out what she was telling me so I could tell her what to write in English, when she literally put down her pencil and started at me. She said something to her friend in front of her who was also trying to help us translate. You should know that any conversation I attempt to have with any of these kids generally takes the assistance of anyone within earshot.

Now they were both staring. `Nani?!` I said with a chuckle. Neither of them new the word for eye so girl number two opted for plan B. Charades. She pointed to her eye. Unintentionally poking herself which diverted our attention, only for a moment, to check she was ok. The minute we determined she was fine, their heads immediately shot back to my face. `Nani?!` I said again a little more genuine. While they stared I was racking my brain trying to think of what was different about me today. Other than my scarf which we had previously discussed the moment I hit campus, nothing else was new.  

One of them was able to mutter the word color, and I laughed. `Ahhh, green?!` I guessed in English, then offering the Japanese, simply because I knew it, `midori?!` That`s right ladies and gentlemen, my eye color in Japanese is the same as my favorite cocktail, Midori sour. Coincidence? I think not.

They both nodded vigorously. I`ve been here 3 months, surely this would have been covered by now. Then I realized that all the time I`ve been here, they haven`t really seen me up close, evidently not close enough to notice my eye color. I am usually up at the board or kneeling next to them helping with a worksheet, rarely are we face to face.

The girls were now trying to tell me something. After a brief pow wow with each other, Eye Poker screamed, Chinese angles! I looked to the Miley Fan for assistance. She nodded in agreement. No help there. I didn`t have a clue. `Chineeeeeseeee angles?!` I said again, `Chinese?!` She nodded. This couldn`t be right. My mind shot to any Chinese movie I could think of, which was none. I tried to connect the green eyes to anything Chinese and came up empty handed. I was about to get up and get a map when she said it again. This time I heard, Charlie`s Angles. `OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!` I let out. I couldn`t help it. We all laughed and I high fived them for good communication and the fact that we did this without Keima.

Eye Poker said something again in Japanese and I figured she wanted me to name the actresses that played in the movie. All I could think of was Cameron Diaz. Not even knowing if that was what she wanted me to do, I offered Cameron`s name. Eye Poker and Miley Fan were VERY excited. `Hai, Hai!` they pointed to their face then mine and said, Cameron Diaz. For clarification, I pointed to my own face and said, `Cameron to Keito, onagi?! Honto?!` Which literally translates to, Cameron and Kate, same. Really?! I didn`t know the word for face so that significant part of the sentence came in the form of pointing. And see you thought my Japanese was getting good.

They give a firm nod to expresses that was exactly what they ment. They were overjoyed and completely satisfied with themselves. It was official, I look like Cameron Diaz.

The Truth: I look nothing like Cameron Diaz. Oh, and my eyes are actually hazel.


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